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| Buddhist monks at a festival in Thimphu, Bhutan |
I've been devoting time and energy to clearing out space in my life this year. I've realized how much clutter, debris and dusty knick knacks fill my head, my days, my existence.
Some of this clearing has happened by other forces. That's okay; there are days when I truly know I'm not in charge and I'm able to appreciate an outside force guiding me. Not always sure where...
At first, I felt myself getting extremely anxious about this clearing process. Nothing was coming in. I felt lonely. I thought I had made a huge mistake.
I acknowledged those feelings and passed into a new awareness; the awareness that I had this beautiful, fresh, open space in my life, and that I was the one who got to choose what would live in this space. Even more importantly, I had to invite those ideas, habits and projects in.
Boy, did that feel good. A space of my own that I get to fill. That's like buying a new house!
So now I'm happily filling the space of my life with new habits, new attitudes and ultimately, new projects. I find I need to visualize what I truly want on a daily basis, and then live each day dancing toward that vision. Doesn't always happen that way, but I try...
At times, this journey moves too slowly for me. I get frustrated. I use healthy habits (good food, sleep, exercise, meditation, friends, patient persistence) to remind me what a pleasure life actually is, every day, if I allow it.
And now, I'm able to see more clearly what needs to be left out of this space. Over the past few weeks, I've come to realize that my beloved blog, Creatavita, does not fit in this space right now. This makes me sad. I've loved having a place to collect all of my crazy stories and beliefs about creativity; I've loved the interactions I've had with people all over the globe because of Creatavita. But I have acknowledge that Creatavita has become an unnecessary burden.
As some of you know, I took a break last September. When I returned, I had lost so many readers. I was stunned that this drop could happen so quickly. I've always struggled with how to stay in front of readers. I've never figured out how to get more of you to read this blog or to share it with your friends. Creatavita has never gone viral. Heck, if I'm honest, I've never made it past 500 readers. Just like you, I know there's so much information out there. I really believed that what I had to say was unique and I passionately believed I could help others find their way in a creative life. I just couldn't ever figure out to find you.
At the same time, I've become extremely concerned about the power of social media in our lives. Creatavita has been forced onto Facebook and Instagram because that's where the vast majority of you chose to find it. I don't like having Mark Zuckerberg managing that much of my life, but I had to accept it, even though it never really worked. I know that's a big old circle I just took you around. In the end, I'l just say that I am struggling with the role of social media in my life.
Finally, as of late, I've lost my ability to write well. My writing has devolved into a voice that is cranky, snarky and negative. That's not who I am, and that's not what you need to read. At least I could tell my writing had fallen apart and consciously chose to not post as frequently.
So here's my plan, because if you read this blog at all, you know I like plans. I'm releasing myself of the habit of Creatavita for the next three months. In three months (that's June 5th, if you happen to care), I'll see how I feel.
If something really strikes me, I'll post. Provided I can sound positive and not cranky.
I want to thank those of you that have always stuck by Creatavita and me. Cynthia - you're the only follower who has consistently figured out how to comment. You were also the only person who took the time to write to tell me that you missed Creatavita. Thank you. Sharon - our many conversations about platforms and creativity were an inspiration. I look forward to more. Jean - you have kept me going for all of these years. The ideas we have bounced around, well, they're magnificent. Someday we'll get to them. And thanks for the Tshirts and all of the shares. Ashley, Kelly, Kelsey - I know all of those beautiful babies fill your days, but I know you're out there. Thanks for the shares and the comments.
I have one favor to ask. If you've been reading this blog, I'd really appreciate hearing from you one last time. Thanks in advance. And thanks for following. Let's see what happens!
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| I've enjoyed capturing photos of doors and windows around the world for Creatavita. I'll probably still do that. |